Self care is a topic you might be hearing more and more about. It's something that I used to laugh at and thought was all fluff. I was too into talking down to myself, pointing out flaws and repeating the same failures to think I was worth a little self love and care. I also wasn't willing to look into it. If I'm honest with myself I was scared. What if the whole "look within/fluff" thing really did make me a better person?
Over the last 2.5 years of working on my own self care journey I've noticed there are 5 reasons why people don't do this more often. Why people don't take time for themselves in order to live a happier, healthier, richer life. Because if I can be honest...all that happened for me :)
1. You have to address your issues:
I don't know many people who get excited about digging deep and figuring out why they haven't been successful. Asking "why" and being willing to give more of an answer than just what lies on the surface is extremely challenging and makes you quite vulnerable. Vulnerability isn't something we like to do. We'd rather stay comfortable with what we know even if we're not happy. The unknown can be very scary so why dip our toes in that pool?
2. You have to Let GO:
My mentor always says, "The past DID happen." Yes it happened. It probably sucked, you were probably really hurt. But holding on to the past only continues to keep us there. We are unable to grow and we are unable to advance as people when we are stuck in this pain. Self care requires identifying where the pain is, addressing it, and letting it go.
3. You have to work hard:
It's not an easy job to dig deep and let go. It requires a dedicated practice, daily attention and habitual reflection in order to foster and grow this relationship with yourself. You're going to have to practice recognizing old bad habits and intentionally changing that behavior in the moment. You're going to have to carve out time in your schedule to work on this. You might have to give up some friends that breed this negativity within you. You're going to have to do this even when you don't feel like it. You're going to have to take it seriously.
4. You have to trust yourself:
This is something that could be completely new to you. But you are going to have to trust in your abilities. You are going to have to start treating yourself kindly even if you don't believe you deserve it. You are going to have to say no to things that sound great in the moment but won't serve you in the long run. You are going to have to wash, rinse and repeat this until things you didn't believe start to become your reality. Until they start to feel normal to you.
5. You have to give yourself time:
This process of self care and love requires follow through and commitment. It's not for the faint of heart and it won't be an overnight process. This will take more time than you think or might even be willing to commit to. Just like brushing your teeth or wearing your seatbelt this will become a daily MUST.
These are the 5 reasons why I've seen time after time people are unwilling to create a better relationship with themselves. Like I said earlier, I wasn't willing to do the work in the beginning. I don't know if I would even be writing this blog post if I hadn't attending a conference with a friend back in 2014. My eyes were open to how closed off to my life I had been and what else was out there for me to experience. Sometimes we need an invitation from someone else to step in and show us what we're missing.
We will always have a reason not to make this a priority in our lives. But you must.
Find a friend, a podcast, a challenge...anything to get you started. The key is to start and to commit. Because living a life without liking yourself robs every moment of the amazing joy you could be experiencing. Trust me, I know!
If you ever want to talk to someone about this please know my door is always open.